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it has been a long time since i let my thoughts out in here, i wanted to but work and other stuff would not permit me to until i get sick and have to stay in bed tonight.. i am not sure what to write really but i was thinking how life gets to be wonderful and tragic all at the same time

when i was a kid i thought that by the age of 25 i already figured my life out, have kids and a husband and be a good mother, i am 30 turning 31 next year, that thought when i was young is way past due by five years going on six, funny how life turned out, it isn’t exactly what i thought it would be back then, i have gone through hell and back..

two hours ago i was talking to someone who has been in my life for five years now, we were no longer together but talking to him today made me feel less sick maybe because i can feel that he still cares and why not we’ve been friends before the relationship, when it ended we remain friends, it wasn’t easy as it sounds but we work things out and somehow keeping him as a friend is great because with him i can talk about everything and not feel shameful about it, it was good to talk and reminisce about the past, how from being friends we’ve become something else and then back to being friends, its way easy to talk about it today but believe me before this it hurts like a motherfucker… i know it was not seventh heaven on his end as well. with him i felt so much love and i guess that’s okay, other people look for something like that, it didn’t last but it happened to me and someday when i die i know i have been loved the most and i gave more than enough, i experienced what love is, the sacrifices that comes along with it, the suffering and the unfathomable happiness it brings, it hurts when it ended as we all know but that’s how life works, we would start to question whats wrong with us or why it did not last but in the end most of life’s questions does not have an answer, and we just have to move on and well, i did…

i guess time helps on letting go, as we grow older we become more open to possibilities and we just stop believing in fairy tales, we open our eyes to reality that in real life not all princesses needs to have a prince, not all damsel in distress needs a knight in shining  armor, most of the time especially these days love does not last, some people might be lucky to have that special someone, i am happy for my friends who have found theirs, as for me, i am here, doing my own thing, i am still open to the fact that maybe someday someone will come along, he does not need to be a prince or a knight, just someone who’s right for me, someone who’s worth my time, i know how life works and how confusing and how messy it can be, i will wait though and if time comes that i need to stop waiting, i can ride my own white horse and do my own happy ending…